I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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