he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
