What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
