I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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