I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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