My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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