ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
