Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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