she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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