My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
