I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We're too hungover to prance.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
