I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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