I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
