Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
