she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
