I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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