we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
