I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
