Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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