Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
