You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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