You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
