tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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