she was so not down for the gang bang
Your tits are I can't wait for
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
