Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
