i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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