you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
