Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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