sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
