Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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