I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The power of my boobs compel you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
