how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
