i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
