she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
