shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
