All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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