I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
