she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
