It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
