Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
