I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
