Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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