I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
