and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
