I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
