i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
