i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
