apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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