I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
