I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
