atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
