Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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