Kareoke will never be a sober sport
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize