I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
