I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
