i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
