i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did I show you my penis last night?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
