I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
