The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
