Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
