I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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