I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
