I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
