Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
