just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We just shotgunned beers for America
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
