i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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