I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize