Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
