Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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